My way of looking at the world. I’d sort of grown up believing that the world was fundamentally fair. Naive, I know, but that’s how I thought. Maybe it was because of all the Disney and fantasy I’d spent watching and reading. Villains got hosed in the end, heros got what they were owed, and everyone but the villain went off and was happy. I’m not sure precisely when the real world hit my head with a baseball bat and went “get a clue”. I know it was still present when I started on the path to baby. That first diagnosis, of well, you can’t have kids because of this, but we can help put me into a funk. Medical issues were supposed to be easy to solve. An hour, tops, then our magical healthcare system could work around or cure my disease. (I don’t think I spent enough time around doctors. They could have slapped me down and gone “it really, really doesn’t work that way and you’re a gullible idiot for thinking that a pill cures everything.”)
At least I know what’s wrong. Some women don’t get even that for a long time. I can’t have kids without medical help because of a disease called PCOS (poly-cystic ovary syndrome). It does turn out that if that’s really the only thing wrong with you, that an iui or ivf will get you pregnant. It doesn’t mean you’ll keep the baby, but it does mean you’ll get past that first step. (more on that in a future post).
I remember when I got to see the specialist, he immediately diagnosed me. No puzzlement, no googling (don’t laugh, it’s a dr thing these days), just him handing me a sheet of paper about it and scheduling a butt ton of blood tests. They wanted to know if there was anything else wrong with me. Also PCOS comes with more than one comorbidity problems and they wanted to find those too. He also wanted to be sure his diagnosis was correct. PCOS is very common, and I have classic symptoms. He wanted to check for other possible causes for infertility as well. So here I am, he’s told me what’s wrong, and I’m thinking, “this is great, sounds easy to solve.” See that? One hour medical solution and we would be off. It wasn’t quite so easy and figuring that out smashed out some of the naivety. Not all, but some. More on that in yet another future post.
This has been some fast and dirty stream of consciousness writing. I’ll get better I promise. I might even revise this post later.
Wizzy Wind 